Strip My Mind
by RaeynnBeau
Summary: Companion fic to Seirios Aster's "Some Nights". Sirius Black did not take his brother's passing well; it happened a few months ago, and he's barely holding it together. And then, he sees something he thought he'd never see again ... But Regulus is dead, right..? Set three years after the Marauders graduate, follows the timeline of Seirios Aster's fic, Light of a Fading Star.
1. Californication

First chapter of another call/response fic with Seirious Aster :) Set in June of 1981, named for a Red Hot Chilli Peppers song, rated for Language and Mild Violence.

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_**Californication**_

"_Destruction leads to a very rough road, but it also breeds creation ..._ " ~Red Hot Chilli Peppers

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_"Sirius ...? You going somewhere?"_

Sirius Orion Black had been having a hell of a week. Fuck, he'd been having a hell of a _life_, all things considered. Eyes shaded by the drawn curtains of his room, he glanced over at the screaming alarm clock, slowly raising an eyebrow at it. He couldn't even read the numbers on the face, let alone figure out what time the hands were pointing out. Though he was reasonably certain that he had probably set the alarm. Seemed likely. Maybe.

So what time had he wanted to get up, and why?

Deciding he didn't care, he made a vaguely annoyed sound he flicked a wrist at it, which sent it flying halfway across the room. However, the amount of concentration wandless magic required made him wince and put a hand to his head. Apparently said brand of magic took far too much brain power for a hangover to be anything approaching comfortable. Not that hangovers were normally comfortable, of course. Right. Sighing, he glanced around, surprised he was alone, and not surprised to see the firewhiskey on his nightstand.

"Good morning beautiful," he greeted it, reaching out with the hand that had been stabilizing his vibrating temples and picking up the bottle. More likely than not this had been new and opened the night before, and even if it hadn't, it wasn't more than a day old at best - as if he would let it lay around that long unfinished. He only drank on the weekends really, but he wouldn't have let a good bottle sit for a whole week on his nightstand, tantalizing him with it's bottle-y whiles ...

"Firewhiskey; breakfast of champions." The voice made the heir to the Moste Noble and Dysfunctional House of Black jump half a foot and spill a good mouthful of the luke warm liquid all over himself and the sheets.

"Bugger_ fuck_! ... _Christ_ Moony, don't _do_ that," he griped, looking down at his now sodden bed sheets. The offending speaker stood at the door to his bedroom, looking at him with vague disinterest. It was rather clear he wasn't offended or even bothered by the brunet's words. Pressing a hand to his face and running it through his tousled hair, Sirius glanced back over at the door, attempting to focus on his mate and not the aura that was surrounding him. "Been here long?"

"Not all night, if that's what you mean," the tawny haired male said almost dismissively, crossing his arms and leaning against the door frame. Sirius sat up, sliding his legs to the side of the mattress, and after sitting there for a long moment, he finished off the bottle of alcohol he had in his hand in one fell swig. "I will never understand how you can do that first thing in the morning."

"Well, 's better than the taste of toothpaste," he argued absently, putting the empty bottle back on the nightstand where it had been sitting. He was slowly becoming adjusted to the burn; it didn't even upset his empty stomach any more. _Sirius ... ? You going somewhere?_ The brunet shook his head to clear it, trying harder to focus on his apparent guest. In response, Remus J. Lupin just sighed and shook his head, but he didn't say anything. Sirius knew that he wanted to comment on his current state, but it had been a while since he'd gotten a lecture, or even some 'friendly advice' from him. The last time having ended in probably the biggest fight they'd ever had before; that was right after his brother had ...

So; changing the subject. Sounds like an excellent plan.

"Just so you know, I'm not in a hurry - you have time to eat and take a shower before leaving for Diagon Alley, if you fancy it." Well done Moony; well done. Sirius had often thought his friend was a natural mind reader, and this was only evidence in the affirmative. Wait; what about Diagon Alley...? The confusion must've shown on his face, because Remus sighed.

"Diagon Alley? Shopping? Remember?" Aaaaand one blank stare later, he elaborated in exasperation, "Pads, you are completely hopeless. It's Peter's birthday next weekend, remember? We're meeting James and Lily to look for presents?" Gray-blue eyes stared unblinking for a long moment, mostly in shock at these words. And then,

"What!? Shit; when did June happen?"

"About the same time it always does; sometime shortly after May," Remus replied with a small smile; Sirius took a moment to register the words, and then just shook his head, smiling a little despite himself. Even when he had a hangover, leave it to his friends to try and get him to cheer up - and usually succeed. "Right; anyway - _Sobrius_." there was a flash of something that looked like fire as the werewolf flicked a wand in Sirius' direction, and suddenly his head was clear. Dragging himself up off of bed, he muttered a thanks; he figured he had to be presentable if he was making a day of it with his mates. He recalled agreeing to this outing, but that had been weeks ago. My how the time flies when you do nothing but work and are a raging alcoholic slash sexual deviant in your spare time ... Seriously (no pun intended), Peter's birthday was June 13th - that meant it was the upcoming Saturday.(1) Sirius had thought ... well honesty, he didn't put too much consideration into what date it was, but if you'd asked him, he likely would have probably guessed somewhere in late April or early May...

Stumbling out of the room, he turned sideways to exit past his friend, intent on making his way to the bathroom to shower. However, his attention was got by a small, slightly festively colored object on the bar-style counter that served as a table in his flat. Pausing, his brow furrowed, and moving a little closer, he saw that it was adorned with a ribbon.

"Moony ... I told you; no presents," he groaned; if Peter's birthday was seven days away, it meant that it was his birthday today (2) - and he'd specifically told his friends, all of them, not to waste their money on him. If anything they could hang out with him for the day - which was how this whole outing idea was initiated, he remembered.

"Oh please," Remus said, rolling his eyes as he watched the brunet, "you think James and Lily won't give you something as soon as we meet up with them?"

"That's not the point - Moony, I-" as he started to protest - but Remus wasn't having it.

"Just shut up and open it, Pads."

* * *

True to Remus' prediction, the first thing Lily did when she and James arrived was produce a brightly wrapped box and hand it to him. And basically tell him the same thing Remus had when he protested. So, though he grumbled about it, he did shut up and actually opened this one, whereas with Remus' he had made the excuse that he needed to get ready or he was going to be late. Inside the envelope was just a simple card, which Lily had probably picked out, and inside that was an auxillary note - a note that said they were going to raid Gambol & Japes for at least half the afternoon, which made Sirius smile._ Ah the good old days,_ he thought to himself, _wish it was still just playing pranks and buggering off during class every day._ But he didnt't say it outloud; nostalgia wasn't something he liked to allow himself to indulge in.

They did just as the note dictated after getting lunch at the Three Broomsticks, James was intent on wasting ample time at the joke shop. It reminded him of Hogwarts all over again - everything imaginable from their glory days; it was hard to imagine that the group that walked in had graduated from school three years previous. This was mostly due to James' antics, picking up half of the stock and recalling what they'd done with it at Hogwarts, since they had in fact used most of these and other things around the school during their later years there - and eventually through a little coaxing Sirius joined in. As per usual, Remus and Lily, being the sensible, level headed ones, stayed back and allowed the boys, as that's how they were acting, like school boys, to have their fun. Honestly, when Lily told them it had been almost three hours, Sirius couldn't believe it. And so, they went to the counter so that James could buy the armload of 'tools of mayhem' he had accrued, and eventually exited the shop, and Sirius' mood was considerably better than it had been previously.

"Instead of wasting money on those silly pranks," Lily mentioned as they left, "maybe you could spend it on something _else_ ...?" Sirius tossed a questioning a glance at James, he sighed heavily from behind his stack of purchases.

"Lily's upset because we still haven't gone on a Honeymoon ..." he trailed off, looking at the back of her head for a moment before muttering under his breath so she wouldn't hear, "I keep telling her that I'm too busy with Order stuff to go away for any length of time, but she's not having it..." True, they had been married for two years, so it was getting a little late in the game, but ... Glancing around, it was as if Merlin himself had put a sign in front of him. There in all it's glory was Terrortours, that horrible travel agency that must've done a good business in scaring the shite out of it's patrons, since the place had been around forever.

"There you are love - I'm sure James-y would just be pleased as punch to take you on one of those tours for your honeymoon ..." Sirius said with a laugh, gesturing to one of the posters in the window. That one in particular hosted what looked like an abandoned ghost ship in a storm with some sort of mer creatures or possibly sirens sitting on some nearby rocks it was bound to crash into.

"I'll show you 'punch'..." he heard James mutter, shoving the brunet and putting an arm around Lily's shoulders, moving pointedly away from the storefront. But she wasn't about to have that; he didn't have her tightly enough, and she pivoted on one foot, deftly turning to the outside of his grasp, away from him, and going back towards the posters.

"Oh I don't know James; it does sound like it might be fun ... Don't those sirens just look d_arling_ ...?" The messy haired male that was still trying to move her away from the travel agency made a face that might've been something along the lines of a grimace.

"Ha ha - very funny. Somehow I don't think they're going to let a baby on one of their trips."

"Oh don't worry; I'll babysit the little guy while you're gone..." Sirius offered good naturedly, smiling a faux smile at James, which was returned in a very strained expression from the stag animagus.

"... And I suppose I'll have to babysit the dog so that your son is in one piece when you get back ..." Moony interjected, to which James and Lily laughed, and Sirius made a face.

"Where is Harry today anyway?" Sirius asked as they started walking away; bugger but he was having a hard time figuring out what to get for Peter - looking in shop windows as they passed wasn't really helping ... Honestly Remus was probably the best choice for picking out gifts for their mousy friend (no pun intended); the two of them were the most alike, quiet and book-ish, unlike he and James, who were loud and obnoxious by most outside accounts ... He liked to think they were ... playfully disruptive.

"Visiting his granda and nannie," Lily said with a smile, "they wanted to see him, so we let them take Harry for the day." Sirius nodded; it was probably nice, having parents that weren't batshit insane, work-a-holics, or intent on disowning you. Sighing and running a hand through his hair as they turned the corner, he realized that he had come to the turn off where Diagon Alley became Knockturn alley. He was about to turn around to head back, but his gray eyes landed on something that caught his attention - coming out of Borgain and Burkes, to be precise.

He stopped himself short just before alerting his companion's attention to the person that had just left the shop. He immediately turned, slowly as as not to draw attention, back facing the alley so no one would get suspicious.

Bellatrix LeStrange.

The only reason she would be exiting said shop was if she was doing something illicit, unsavory, and _dark_. Sirius' hands curled at his sides; even if he wasn't looking at her, the fact that she was standing so nearby made his blood slowly start to boil. He had no proof - no concrete evidence - but he knew. He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was _her _fault that Reg-_Sirius ...? You going somewhrere?_ Sirius shook his head to clear it, realizing someone was talking to him. Putting a hand to his head, he asked, "huh?"

"You alright mate?" it was James; he nodded in response absently. The brunet was actually listening intently to see if he could pick up the heels that were certain to be on her feet. He wanted to know if she started walking away. She wasn't quite as concerned with being fashionable as Cissy, but as far as he knew they were likely keeping closer company than they had been previous to He Who Shall Not Be Named, considering both of their husbands had sworn fielty to him - allegedly. He needed to talk to her - and by talk, he meant shove his wand down her throat with a Fiendfyre at the end of it.

"Actually mates," he said, clearing his throat a little, "I've had an excellent time, but I'm actually not feeling so up to walking about anymore ... I'm thinking I'm going to head back to my flat." Sirius didn't need James, Lily, or Remus tangled up in any altercations he caused. Not when it was likely to be a substantial 'altercation' with what was most likely a Death Eater. And from the rumors, a very high-ranking Death Eater at that.

"Oh ... um - well, alright; if you're sure?" James said, obviously confused at the sudden decision. Lily and Remus were both standing behind James, and both giving him thoughtful, slightly suspicious looks. But he did his best to shake off any nervousness those glances might've inspired; and he was a pretty decent actor when he wanted to be - at Hogwarts he had only actually recieved probably half the detentions he had actually _deserved_ ...

"Yeah; we've walked the whole of the place, and I still haven't found anything - looks like there's nothing doing today anyway," he said almost regretfully, and James nodded in agreement.

"Yeah - I guess you're right. You want to go over to the Three Broomsticks and get something to eat before you go?" he offered; Sirius could hear the telltale click of heeled shoes slowly becoming fainter - Bellatrix was leaving.

"Ah, no - that's alright. You lot go ahead without me; I mostly just want to go back and sleep," he lied, on edge - he didn't want to lose her. She was down right impossible to track down now since she'd joined the losing side of this war. He had come to realize this fact when he'd developed a very personal vendetta against her in January ...

"...Ok," Lily eventually said, still seemingly suspicious, but with nothing to back it up there was no reason to argue. He mentally sighed as she hugged him and wished him a happy birthday again, in response to which he made a face, but didn't comment on the statement.

Waving goodbye to the three of them, Sirius watched as Remus lingered a few steps behind, glancing back at the brunet, who just smiled a fake, realistic-smile and waved again before heading down the street in Diagon Alley ... And then doubling back behind some shops and heading after Bellatrix. He hadn't seen what direction she'd gone in, but he was pretty sure he'd heard, and that was good enough for him.

For a few minutes he thought he'd lost her - that she had just disaparated or something ... But due vigilance paid off when he rounded a corner and saw her turning down a side street. Picking up his step a little, he slowed when he came to the edge of the intersection before slowly turning around it, putting his hands in his pockets. It looked like a casual gesture, but really he was making sure he had his wand in hand. She could be a loose canon, more often than not, so it was better to be prepared for anything.

"Why hello there, _cousin ..._ Fancy meeting you here on this fine Saturday afternoon ..." she said without turning around. Sirius' brow furrowed - how could she know it was him? He was reasonably certain she hadn't seen him when he'd sene her ... He didn't get a chance to ask though, because she pivotted where she had stopped walking, and continued speaking. "And, if I'm not mistaken, a very _special _day, isn't it?"

And then Sirius realized - he heard something behind him. Turning his head slightly to one side, there were two people standing behind him where there hadn't been anyone before.

"Your birthday, right?" he kept his cool well - there were only three. Not the best odds, especially when one of the three was Bellatrix LeStrange. He had dueled her before, and it was no easy feat ... He could beat her though; he'd done it, if he could concentrate on just her. The problem was that she knew that as well as he did - and aparently she had decided to give herself an advantage. This must've been some sort of set up - what she wanted, he didn't know, but he didn't plan on finding out either.

"How thoughtful of you Bellatrix - hiring help to make sure my birthday is extra special," he sneered, nearly spitting in her direction, but she wasn't worth the wasted saliva.

"Watch your tone, Black," one of the people behind him said sharply, and Sirius recognized the voice. So, it was Rodolphus, and therefore likely his brother Rabastan, that had come to his cousin's cowardly aid. Excellent. This day probably couldn't get much better. Happy Birthday indeed.

"Oh cousin ..." she said with a sigh, drawing Sirius' attention, but not entirely - he was still keeping an eye on the other two as best he could, in case they tried anything stupid. Which of course was their modus operandi, so it was likely they would. "If only you would come to your senses ... You would see that you're supporting the losing team."

"Is _that_ what this is about?" Sirius Black scoffed darkly. "You want me to join your club of clinically insane murderers?" He couldn't even validate the statement with an actual response - it was completely preposterous. She wanted him to join the Death Eaters? Right.

He'd die first.

"Well, you can't say I didn't _try_ being nice," Bellatrix said with a tired sigh ... And proceeded to throw a blast of red light that most likely was something unpleasant, wand held up in one hand. However, the eldest surviving heir to the Most Noble and Nefarious House of Black was ready with a quick _Protego_. Honestly, it was probably this self-destructive phase he was going through that stopped him from immediately disaparating. Three against one odds were bad in and of themselves, but Bellatrix was skilled in the more upleasant of curses, not that he wasn't as well, coming from an old, pure-blooded wizarding family, but ... Even if they weren't as competent as Bella, Rodolphus and Rabastan could at least throw a wrench in the works, or worse.

For example, how one of them cast a shield-piercing spell, and the other cast something. Sirius couldn't hear what it was, but the blossoming of pain down the back of his leg and what felt like warm, sticky liquid leaking down over his flesh gave him a clue that it was something the equated to sharp.

"Don't _injure_ him, you idiots!" Sirius heard Bella yell to the other two, as his footing faltered - presumably they wanted him to be in one piece when they dragged his body to Voldemort. Yeah; it would have to be his carcass if that happened, and it seemed the two males he was duelling had figured that much out.

"_Silencio_!" They must've been stupider than he thought - he was from pure blood, and an old house at that; casting magic came naturally to him. It almost made little difference if he could speak or not, and he didn't necessarily need to cast _effective_ spells at them - if he could fend Bella off and distract those two in the process, that would be enough.

Missing one of the LeStrange brothers with a _Confringo_, he turned back to Bellatrix as he backed up a little - it put him against a wall, yes, but it also put all three of his assailants in his line of sight, which he decided was more important at the moment. Dodging to the side to avoid what might've been a Body Binding Hex, he returned fire with a _Locomotor Mortis_, trying to remember the counterspell for the silencing charm he was under, but his mind kept coming back blank. Cursing as a weak Force charm hit him and knocked him back against the brick wall behind him, he felt his head strike the surface pretty hard; another missed _Confringo_ later and part of the wall of the other side of the street came down. But Sirius wasn't paying attention to that - he was busy moving out of the way of a flash of blue light and trying to hit Bellatrix with another curse. He wasn't sure which, just the first one that came to mind that would do some sort of damage.

At this point it wasn't about what he was casting; it was about casting so that the other three couldn't counter and staying calm enough to cast. Strange, it was almost like it went by like a blur; and at the same time, his mind was hyper-focused on the situation at hand.

_Ah! Vox!_ (3) he thought of the counter-spell for the silencing charm he was under as he cast a Flagrante curse on the rubble that had fallen and possibly nearly-crushed one or both of the brothers. From the screaming he heard, he figured that at least some of it was touching them. Secure in the knowledge that the two of them were occupied, he attempted to cast the spell to regain use of his voice - which was tricky, ironically, because he was casting it silently ... It took two tries, but on the second time he got it ...

... Just in time to start screaming as Bella cast the Cruciatus on him.

And she must have been pissed, or completely desperate, but either way the pain was absolutely _blinding _... He could barely think as his body convulsed; this was the worst one he'd ever partaken of, that was for sure.

He probably laid there for a good minute, screaming mostly, though it felt like several times as long ... When it finally stopped, he laid there shaking, breathing labored - for a moment, that's all he can hear. And then footsteps; quick, the quick, sharp click of heels towards him. And all Sirius could think is that he couldn't make his body move - except for tremmors, he couldn't control his limbs; he was in too much shock from that pain. He could vaguely hear something in the background - the telltale sign of the approaching law enforcement.

_About time ..._ he thought to himself wryly; though from the sounds of it, they would never get to him in time - Bella would have made off with him by then. Letting out a faltering, shuddery breath, he closed his eyes, waiting for the telltale pop of side-long aparation he was sure would occur next. Too bad he couldn't stall them for another thirty seconds or so, or he would probably be fine. As it was, he barely feel his extremities, let alone move his limbs, or concentrate enough to cast anything, even with his voice and wand.

Suddenly, he was dully aware of some sort of explosion, and that large chunk of building that had landed nearby effectively cut Belaltrix off from him, placing itself nothing approaching neatly between them.

Sirius hadn't done that.

What felt like a long time later, someone was there; he could barely see anything- his vision was hazy at best and darkening. But whoever it was crouched over him, for what felt like a long moment not doing anything. Eventually he was aware that he might've felt a light pressure around his neck or shoulder - whoever it was was leaning closer. He'dve realized they were checking for his pulse to see if he was still alive, but he was busy staring intently at the face as soon as it came into focus.

He was aware of Magical Law Enforcement swarming the area, no doubt because an unforgiveable had been used. He was aware that he was alone in the alley now - Bellatrix, Rudolphos, and Rabastan had left him at the scene. Hell, they had left without him. Should be cause for whatever menial celebration he could manage.

It didn't matter.

Nothing did; becuase he _knew_ the face he'd seen.

He'd seen it nearly every day when he was growing up.

And a few months ago, was sure he'd never be able see it again.

"Re ... _Reg ... ..._" he managed to rasp, barely getting the word out before the world went black.

**The End ...?**

Footnotes:

1 - JK never tells us when Peter's birthday was, so I took the liberty of making up a date that suited my purposes. xD Originally I was going to use Lily's birthday to put all of the Marauders out and about to get into mischief together, but we actually have a concrete date for her, so nothing doing ... :(

2 - Aaaand, same as before, JK never gave us a date for Sirius' day of birthing, so I went ahead and put it on D-Day; June 6th. xD

3 - Can't verify the counter spell for Silencio, if there even is one, so I going with 'Vox' which is latin for Voice. I thought this was the actual counter spell, but since I can't confirm, we'll say I made it up xD


	2. Torture Me

Best read following Chapter 1 of Seirios Aster's fic, 'Some Nights'.

Thank you so much for your reviews! They make me smile! :)

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**Torture Me**

"Because I'm happy to be sad; I want it all, I want it bad ... Oh oh it's all I know [...] Torture me and torture me ... It's forcing me, so Torture Me, please." ~ Red Hot Chili Peppers

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"No - argh! Why isn't anyone _listening _to me!? Dammit!" Sirius bellowed across the hospital, trying to shake off the medwitch that was attempting to convince him to lie down. But he wasn't having it; they all thought he was barking mad, and that was only because they'd checked his blood alcohol content level when he'd been brought in and hadn't found enough to blame inebriation. As soon as he'd come to, he'd apparently started calling for his brother - they'd tried to sedate him, but he wasn't having that either.

Honestly, he knew in retrospect that making a scene in St. Mungo's wasn't the best course of action, but he hadn't been in his right mind when he woke. He hadn't even realized time had passed since he'd fallen unconscious ... Which is probably why he immediately started flailing around and calling his brother's name. But, hindsight is 20/20 and all that, and at this point it didn't much matter anyway.

"Please, Mr. Black, you really need to-"

"Sirius! Mate!" The dark haired hospital patient nearly jumped half a foot at the sudden loud noise that translated itself into a voice that was saying words after a tense, terror-wracked second. Not his fault though; increased startle reflex was courtesy of that wonderful Cruciatus his cousin had bestowed upon him. Shaking, he turned towards the door and saw that the source was none other than one James Potter, with Remus and Lily in tow. "Come on now - what's all this about?"

"Oh thank Merlin, someone reasonable," Sirius said with a slightly over-dramatic sigh, pressing a shaking hand to his face. Remus took the medwitch aside to speak with her as James and Lily came closer to him. He knew the look he was getting from both of them, and he knew it meant explain now, and it better be a _damn_ good story.

... So he did; nothing really to lose after all ...

Alright, so perhaps he fudged a few details, such as the exact point at which he first saw Bellatrix, but the gist of the tale remained the same. He ran into Bella, she had friends, the three of them started throwing hexes, somehow a rogue crucio had been tossed his way, and just before the Wizard Cops showed up, someone had kept Bella away from him before she'd managed to do worse ... And that someone had gotten close enough for him to see their face.

"Sirius ..." James shoved a hand in his messy black hair and sighed. His heart fell when he heard that tone; James didn't believe him. Honestly, if he stopped and thought about it ... it didn't really sound like a particularly sane claim, all things considered ... But Sirius wasn't in it for the sanity or lack thereof - he knew what he'd seen, even if it had only been for a split second.

"Really, James? Come on - I'm not crazy. I _know_ what I saw," the dark hair hospital patient sighed heavily and collapsed back onto the pillows, sliding down slightly on the bed he'd been stationed on. His friend shook his head.

"No, Sirius - mate I didn't say that," the stag animagus immediately responded, putting his hand up. "I just think ... Listen, maybe we should just get you home, alright? You've been through a lot ... I know you hate it here ... " Leaning closer, he added softly from the corner of his mouth, "and if Bellatrix was really trying to abduct you, the Order should probably know." The brunet ... hadn't really considered that side of it - but then, he had just been hospitalized for being on the receiving end of an Unforgivable, so it really wasn't any surprise he hadn't been doing much thinking. Except about Reg. A lot. Because he'd seen him. He _had_. At least ... he thought he had.

"Prongs," Remus said quietly, waking over; Sirius hadn't noticed that he'd re-appeared. "They've agreed to let him go ... You two should go and collect Harry. I think I can get Pads home in one piece." The unsaid implication being that they have a family to tend to, and it was important they do so. However, clearly James, while not exactly opposed to the suggestion, was torn. One of his best mates was temporarily hospitalized, but he needed to go get his son. They didn't know if this was an isolated incident or not; what if the Death Eaters were going after supposed Order members or something?

"James - I can get Harry myself, and-"

"No," Sirius interrupted Lily before she could finish her sentence and waving a hand, "Rems is right - both of you go get him and go home. I'll be fine - just need to go to bed and sleep for about a week." And have a stuff drink. Hell, a _bottle_ of stiff drinks, since we're wishing. James glanced back and forth between wife and his mate for a long moment before he let out a breath and relented.

"Alright; but if you need anything - _anything_ Sirius - you let me know, ok?"

"Yes mum - promise I'll take out the trash and clean my room after supper too," the eldest Black son said with a good-natured eye roll. James grinned and without warning reached out, put a hand on Sirius' head, and fuzzing it back and forth wildly for a moment. When he stopped, the hospital patient's hair looked almost as disheveled as James'. _Almost_.

"There's a good lad - glad I can count on you, my boy," he said, dodging as the dog animagus swiped at him with a laugh. Sirius made a face at him in response, but it didn't last too long in lieu of the smile that was creeping up on his face. Even when he was in the hospital, leave it to his friends to try and get him to cheer up - and usually succeed.

"Alright - come on then ..." Moony said after Lily had shooed James away from Sirius and the two of them had left. The black haired twenty-one year old nodded, making a valiant effort to stand on his own, despite the shaking ... And he mostly succeeded. Remus didn't move to touch him, or help him stand up, mostly because he knew that the Cruciatus victim wouldn't appreciate it, but he stayed nearby in case his services as a walking stick were required.

"They said they want to talk to you," the tawny haired male mentioned as they made their way out of St. Mungo's at a slow pace, "they're letting it alone for now, but I think they're going to investigate this further before they leave off on you."

Well, wasn't that just _swell_? Exactly what he needed; Crouch Sr. all over again - this time he'd probably decide that it had been staged to otherwise try and somehow clear his guilt over having murdered his brother. Because clearly he had done that. Which is why they investigated him as one of their primary suspects when Reg's death had been uncovered. _Sirius ...? You going somewhere?_ The brunet shook his head, putting his hand to it with a quiet curse.

"I'm fine." He shook Remus' hand off irritably when he felt his friend try to steady him; he was fine. Really. He just needed sleep. And to drink. Possibly some 'stress relief'. Or some combination of those activities.

It didn't take long for them to get back to Sirius' flat - side long apparition seemed like a bad plan because of the recent hospital patient's condition, so somehow the Knight Bus had been suggested ... Retrospectively apparition might have been the safer, less unsettling choice, as Sirius nearly had two panic attacks and almost sicked all over the seats in front of them a few times as well ... But either way, they were dropped off within a reasonable distance of their ultimate destination, and neither were too much worse for the wear ... Sirius might've been shaking harder than he had been at the wizarding hospital, but who was to say for sure?

Once they had climbed the stairs and gotten into his apartment, which while not particularly difficult was a bit slow-going, Moony opened the door with they key that Sirius had given him when he'd first moved in and ushered him inside. The disinherited heir to the Moste Noble and Unfortunately Unmedicated House of Black just wanted to go to bed and sleep forever. But the bed was so far away; it was all the way across the living room and into the next room over. He didn't think he could make it; and the couch was closer to him. Yeah; couch - that was an acceptable place to collapse, right? It seemed his feet made the decision for him, because they started moving of their own accord in that direction ...

"Sirius ... ... I know you went looking for Bellatrix," Remus said quietly from behind him as he started walking. His tone was simple; sad, almost. The newly twenty-one year old paused, almost as if he were stunned, and the werewolf continued, "I mean, I didn't know you were going after _her_, or I wouldn't have just let you go - but I knew you were agitatded, and that you were trying to get rid of James and Lily and I ..." _Oh Merlin he's apologizing_, was all Sirius could think, and sure enough, the next sentence was, "mate, I should have stopped you - I dunno, made you come with us to the broomsticks or _something_ ..."

"Moony - just stop," Sirius put his head in his hands and fairlly collapsed on his slightly dilapidated, albeit very comfortable couch. He'd interrupted before the other occupant of the room was able to actually say what he was meaning to say. "Face it - I'm an idiot that went looking for a fight when I knew there was one to be had in spades. I didn't realize there would be quite _that_ _much_ trouble, but I shouldn'tve been chasing my crazy cousin around in the first place."

"You're still grieving your brother," Remus will say with a small shrug, as if it wasn't something that could be helped. "We all know you blame Bellatrix, whether directly or indirectly." The brunet snorted, laying back on the couch and covering his face with a shaking arm. He felt irrationally annoyed at that response for some reason; it didn't make sense - honestly he should be glad that he wasn't getting his ear chewed off (metaphorically, of course). He was almost ... maddeningly frustrated by it.

"Sirius ... What do you want me to say?" Remus asked after a pause; he recognized his friend's apparent displeasure, but couldn't find anything wrong with what he'd said ... He watched the dark haired twenty-something, loosely crossing his arms and leaning against the armchair he was standing next to.

"I ... I don't know - be mad at me," he suggested, voice raising a little, "call me crazy, do _something _other than stand there and look at me!" Remus sighed; honestly Sirius expected yelling - though, previous a few months ago the blond had never yelled at him before, not really. Even when he had nearly exposed his friend's secret because he had been angry and said something stupid ... So he shouldn't really have expected it now. The werewolf was usually soft-spoken, which was an ironic contrasting statement, unless it was sometime near the full moon. And currently, it was not.

"Listen - Pads," he started, sitting down on the couch next to Sirius, "... I admit that what you're saying - about seeing Regulus, I mean - sounds crazy ... ... But it doesn't matter what I think; it matters what _you_ think." Blue-gray eyes watched the werewolf questioningly, but he didn't say anything - just waited for Remus to continue. "If you think you saw your brother, maybe you did - stranger things have happened." Sirius was ... completely floored, honestly; it likely showed on his face, especially when his mouth fell open slightly. "I mean, personally I'm pretty sure it was some sort of delirious fever-dream induced by the Unforgiveable, but whatever you think it was is fine too."

The tone of voice made Sirius laugh, and it wasn't a bitter one, which surprised him; he knew Remus was teasing now, trying to get him to lighten up a bit. Glancing at a clock on the wall, the Dog Star was surprised to see the time; it was much later than he thought. _Then again_, he reasoned, _we did bugger off all afternoon in Diagon Alley, and I've no idea how long I was in St. Mungo's, so ... _

"You should probably go and get some sleep yourself," he mentioned, moving his arm off of his face the rest of the way to look at the tawny haired werewolf that was sitting by his feet. At the suggestion, Remus paused, much like James did in the hospital when they mentioned that he and Lily should go. Only in this case, it was likely that Remus didn't want to leave Sirius alone, but didn't want him to think he was being coddled either.

"Alright - alright," he eventually relented, holding his hands up, "I'm going. You just ... ... Sleep or something, ok mate?" The brunet sighed heavily.

"Yes mum; didn't realized I had two - what will the kids at school think when they find out 've got a couple of lezzers for-" he cut his own sentence off with an 'oof' when he was properly beaned in the face with a folded up blanket.

"Just shut up and go to sleep, Pads."

* * *

_"Sirius ...? You going somewhere?" the confused voice made the freshly turned sixteen year old pause in the middle of throwing a wadded up shirt into the bag he had on the floor. Most of the shite in his room he could leave behind - the things he could be arsed about bringing with him he was cramming in a bag._

_The brunet recovered from his pause nearly seamlessly, picking up another handful of clothes out of the drawer and dropping it unceremoniously into the thing he was packing. Yes, packing. As in packing to go away._

_"Reg," he muttered, "thought you were in your room reading. Or out with Crouch. Or something." He didn't turn to face his brother as he kept shoving things haphazardly from his bureau into the satchel. The implication was that Regulus should go back to doing one of those things. Or anything else. Just stop being here._

_"... Going to visit that Gryffendor friend of yours ...?" there wasn't any accusation or disapproval, or anything negative in his tone really; honestly Sirius knew that he probably just couldn't remember James' name off the cuff. But for some reason, most likely because of the fight he'd just gotten into with his mother, who was having a worse day than normal, the question completely infuriated him._

_"Yeah - right; my **Gryffendor** friend," he snapped, "that's what he is. What I am - you know; a failure." No - stop it; you don't mean that. You're just putting mum's words in his mouth; what she'd been screaming at him for years, ever since he'd been sorted into that house. Reg had never said that; probably would never say that, leastwise not to your face, you idiot._

_"What? Sirius, I -"_

_"Save it Reg; I don't want to hear it," Sirius nearly growled, "in fact, I'm sick of hearing all of you lot and what you think of my friends and I! I just - I'm not hearing it. Any more." No - you don't mean that; you're just mad. Apologize - tell him you didn't mean it; tell him something. Don't make him think he's contributing to this! You're just mad at mum for picking fights with you when she's having one of her crazy fits - mad at dad for never being around to break up the abuse; mad in general. At everything. Except Reg; you're not mad at him. So don't take this out on him. Please; stop ... But he couldn't stop himself - he knew where this was going, and he was a helpless spectator, watching as he picked up his bag and crammed a few more things into it heatedly._

_"Right," he said as he shoved the last of the things he could see that he wanted from his room - the trunk he took to Hogwarts was still packed for the most part, so he'd only had to collect up a few other personal affects - now he'd just throw everything on the motorbike and he'd be gone. Good thing she'd never made good on her threats to blow it to bits or worse - Merlin but he was sick of hearing that out of her. But that was just it though, wasn't it? He was sick of her yelling at him about everything under the bleeding sun that struck her fancy. And he was even **more** sick of accepting excuses; oh - mum's having a bad day, so it's not her fault she said that. Da's got to work late tonight, Mr. Crouch's asked him to stay a bit longer, that's why he wasn't here when she threw that statue at you and gave you a black eye - Mum's hallucinating again and thought you were dad, just try to forget what happened. Mum this, da that. Excuses excuses excuses. He was just sick of **all** of it.  
_

_"W-what - wait; Sirius, what do you mean ...?" the tone in Reg's voice made Sirius stop and freeze in his thoughts; he knew it would. It always did. The strap of the bag he'd picked up was loosely hanging from his fingers ... Just put it down; apologize - tell him you're not going anywhere. Tell him you're just angry; you're just going to visit James for the weekend to cool off - tell him something. Hell, tell him **anything **...  
_

_"You're a smart lad; read between the lines." ... But not that. Don't say that.  
_

_"This is all your fault,_ Sirius_..." Wait ... that ... That wasn't what Reg was meant to say ... He was supposed to stand there in silence - and take off after him when Sirius left the room; that's when he spoke again ... Sirius wasn't sure if he was watching himself turn, or if he himself was turning - but he did hear his voice ask,  
_

_"... what ...?" In a tone that mirrored the confusion he felt at the break in pattern ... _

_And then he saw what was behind him.  
_

* * *

He fell off the couch screaming, attempting to flail his arms and just ending up hitting his head on the way down, probably on the coffee table. Once he stopped exercising his lungs and calmed the fuck down, he realized that his miscalculation laid in the fact that he was tangled in the blanket he'd been covered with earlier.

Roughly freeing himself from his bindings, he stayed on the floor, running his fingers irritably through his sweaty hair half way before grabbing the stringy strands at the roots and putting his elbows on his knees.

Once his heart felt like it was going to stop trying to crack his ribs, he sighed shakily, and sorely wished he hadn't finished off that Firewhiskey when he'd woken up.

He needed a drink.

**The End ...?**


End file.
